Wednesday, January 30, 2013

How to Repel Men Without Hurting Their Feelings

I often have been upset, yes upset, at the girls who stated that they didn't like the guy yet gave the guy the wrong signals. I either heard "But I cannot tell him that I don't like him, he will be upset and I don't want to hurt his feelings". 
What was not understood is that the guy's feelings can be hurt even more if you lead on. Time is of an essence. Or perhaps, a girl enjoyed being liked by random people for her self-confidence-boosting reasons.
Contrary, it always bugged me when I knew somebody liked me (I want to believe so :)) very much, yet I didn't. I never wanted to hurt them (all 450,000 - I joke, I joke), so I always found ways on how to make myself look weird, obnoxious, and not worth spending time with. I did so with success. 

I still hear a lot of stories from my girlfriends on how some guy is so annoying, yet they laughed at the guy's jokes, complimented them and promised to go out with them. That is why I decided to spend my time during this late hour to write the post on a cold war "adiu to the fella"  (late coffees are no good!)

The point of my blogpost is to make yourself look like a joke in order to make a guy instantly drop all his sexual desire towards you and think of you as of a sister. 

Please remember, if you wish to succeed in your fans repulsion - you must be dedicated, willing to learn, and be results-oriented. Are you right for the job? Let's go!

Beginner Level 

1. Interrupt a lot. Be selfish.
Found a world in his sentence that relates to you? Go ahead and relate. If he interrupts, say "Hold on, let me finish - this is important". You must do it repeatedly! This way, when he comes home he will realize that you are not a good listener, quite selfish, and love doing monologues.

2. Put in a friend-zone right away. Create an opposite-looking idol.
He is a tall blonde with short hair and no chest hair ? Well, then talk about how much you like Banderas, but you wish he was shorter. Tell him how it is your stereotype and you have never been wrong. Right away, ask what kind of girls he likes? He, if not a douche, will most likely describe your looks. 
Disregard and play dumb like you didn't get it. In case, he still tries to win you over - tell him about your new crush and how you have flirted. Remember, opposite looks and characteristics.

3. Dress weird. 
By saying dress weird - I do not mean become a circus clown, but dress in something super un-sexy. Please see examples below. Remember, be confident and act nonchalant about your outfit - it is your regular day wear. Repeat this in front of a mirror several times to believe it.


Oh no, don't wear it when going for a coffee - wear it to a restaurant or a lounge. If you don't get it because of you attire - argue how clothes should comfortable.
Okay, okay, this is Advanced Level, yet a hairdo like that the shoes like that to a club or a lounge will do the job.
Make sure to elaborate on your feelings about this sweater. It makes you feel like a bird. Raise your arms and show him your wings.

4. Use "OMG", "like", LOL" 
 Just use the aforementioned abbreviations as much as you can.
Ex." So, like, I study, in a like, university? (make a questionable face) And it is like across from the store. OMG! Is that a new watch on your wrist. It 's like amazing. Anyways, this store is like the best here. Once me and my friend came in , like, in the doorway and this guy screamed and we were like LOL!" 
He will definitely mention that you use "like" a lot. Agree with him. In 2 minutes, continue the same. He will correct you again. Snap and tell him he is not , like, your father or, like, your husband. OMG!

5. Don't laugh at his jokes.
Guys always want to be funny. Girls love guys with a great sense of humour. I certainly do and it is on my priority list. So, whenever your date tells you a joke, act confused and ask him what was funny about it. Or just stay silent like you didn't know it was a joke.

Moderate Level 

1. Use Instagram as much as you can. 
This pisses men off very much, I tell you.
Remember, every little object, like a ripped sugar packet, can be an awesome find for your Instagram archive. Make sure, to apologize a lot and convince that by adding a right filter and as many hush tags you will get many followers. Feel free to ask your date on hash tag ideas, filter choice... doubt yourself often.

2. Ask him how much he makes.
Most guys/men hate this question when it comes from a woman they've just met. She is materialistic, you know ? 
So, lady, this is exactly what you want. Materialistic bitch for a day, who cares? 
" So, does your job pay well?", "Oh, yes, how much?", "Oh, I see....that is why you brought me here", "Do you think you will get a raise?", "Well, my ex-boyfriend made {insert a ridiculous amount}"
You can also ask what kind of car he drives, if he has paid it in full, where does he shop. Make sure to put a price tag on everything.

3. Act like an obnoxious princess.
He is picking you up? Stand by the car door and wait until he comes out and opens the door for you to sit down. Sit down, don't close the door. If he asks you to close the door, say :" Real ladies do not close doors" with a smile. Repeat the same when getting out of the car. Refuse to get out. Make sure to use "real ladies don't..." phrases at every instance. Opening restaurant doors, taking your coat, polishing your fork, putting sugar in your coffee, bringing your purse even if it hangs on your chair, etc.

4. Act jealous.
Who likes an overly jealous girlfriend? Nobody. And that is exactly what you are looking for.
He just bought you your herbal tea at a coffee shop, tell him right away: " Wow, you just stare-undressed that cashier girl". He will object. Just go with the "Yeah, right..." at first. Then as you sit, preferably in a busy place, ask him to concentrate on you. He will say that he is doing that. This time roll your eyes, through your "Yeah right", and a prolonged "All men are the same...Teresa was right". In a couple of minutes, tell him that he is more interested in his car/job/clothes/hobby/tv more then he is in you. (You can refer to that after he told you a certain story)

5. Be a picky eater.
This can be almost like an obnoxious princess section, yet this will only relate to beverages and food.
You are at a restaurant, pick a dish and when a waiter comes make sure to take good 15 minutes to ask about a dish "Soooo, how big is the plate?", "Which part of chicken it is? (even if the menu says chicken breast)", "What kind of leaves are in the salad?" , "Are they being washed properly in the kitchen?", "Do you make your dressing?", "Where do the tomatoes come from in the salad?" - if the waiter doesn't  know the answer, demand it. Remember, you need to know where your tomatoes are coming from, because there is no way that you can eat them if they were imported from California. Why not? Because, you have had bad experience while eating Californian tomatoes, and add: "It is personal".
Coffee Shop - what can you do here? Order a coffee, hopefully your date pays (it is better for the scenario), come to a milk/sugar station and act disappointed :" No brown sugar?", "Oh, Natrell milk - no way. Can you ask if they have Neilson?" If they don't, leave your coffee on the stand, and go in the search of a new coffee some place else. 

Advanced Level 
Please be my friend! 

1. Period check-up.
Once you are out of the car/restaurant - ask your date if you don't have any spots on your pants/skirt. Girls, you know where I am going, right?
If he is really in the dark about your question, please go ahead and explain that women have these special days. Feel free to elaborate and tell him in detail about your cycle. Be serious.
You can also use "Tampons are so uncomfortable" or "Once I was swimming and then I see something is floating...." (Okay, finish the story here yourself). I guarantee, your dinner will end soon and you will least likely see the guy again.

2. Show off your "fix-ups" (plastic surgery explanations, appendix removal, braces, mole removal, acne scars - don't go into privates though)
Have you got a pimple? Blame your date for staring it. Say :" I have noticed how you looked at it. You know, there is nothing funny or interesting in it - I can squeeze and your can see for yourself". If he still looks in horror and distress why you have these genius thoughts in your head - ask the waiter for a mirror, alcohol and something sharp. Feel free to demonstrate pimple squeezing. 
100% Dating/liking/sexing removal guaranteed.
Got braces? Ask if your date can see if you have a mango stuck in the back of your mouth. Show your teeth with wires in detail. Tell him funny stories of how everything usually gets stuck in there.


3. Have an unhealthy hobby.
Talk about how much you love little kittens. Tell him about your collection of little cards, photographs, Pinterest boards, stickers of little-little cute kittens. Tell him how much you like them when they "meww". Feel free to correct yourself when making a "meww"-sound. "No, no, no, the right way to mewww is meaaaww. Or not? Mewwwwrrr. God, kittens are so precious, but am I mewing right?" 
No sex guaranteed.


4. "Where is it going?"
Even if you are on your first date and you see that the guy is very interested in you (even after he has checked that you have no spots on your pants and on his carseat), ask him :"So, where is our relationship going? I am 28, you know and I am ready to settle down. I am ready for my prince and I think you might be just him...." , pause and make a loud horse sound. Trust me your prince on white horse will run away to his kingdom as fast as he can.

5. Check your odour.
Let's say you are on the second date and you totally know you are not into the guy, but he very much is - do the following. Sit, talk, and then pause, start sniffing everything around and say :" Oh what is that smell?" , "Aaaaah, aaah, OMG!" pause and smell your armpit in disguise. "I smell like a man!" and look away in sadness. He will most likely be silent with significantly dilated pupils. Then, make an eye contact and whisper quietly: "You know, I have tried everything, but this smell! Oh God! Could you tell me what use to fight it?" If he answers this question and still sitting with you 20 minutes later, marry him. I joke, we must not get there at any circumstances. So, if that failed - tell him about the smell from your feet. Advice him on the ancient recipe you found online on how to fight it and how it has been working for a while, but then it stopped. Yet, then you went to a Chinese doctor, who advised you to put mayo on your feet during the night and that it worked well....knock knock on the wood.

6. Talk in songs.
Be a music fanatic. He tells you a sentence you sing a line from a song as a reply. At first it will be fun, later it will annoy the **** out of him. If he is annoyed, ask him to use his creativity and sing back a line. 
PS. Do sing in annoying voice.

7.  No talk, just emotions. 
Let's say the guy who has been staring at you the whole night and you 100% know has a mega crush on you, finally sits down to talk to you. (This will be ideal if you would be sitting together with him where there are no others, just in a corner room of a party)
So, he comes to you says hello. You just smile, blink a lot and look at him. He asks you something. You giggle without opening your lips, smile, and blink a lot. You must remain consistent for this to work. Look interested. Feel free to use your inner horse giggle while looking at him. Don't open your lips.
This will work with success beyond imaginable. Even if he has left you and approached you 2 hours later at the party, do the same as you have done before.

By practicing one of the above practices mentioned above on any proficiency level, I can guarantee you will be stalker, fan, boyfriend, husband - free. Just be persistent in your practice, even if it takes 2-3 dates. If one tactic doesn't work, remember you can always mix and match practices - that will make you in a real wierdo!  If all fails and the guy is still calling you after you have Instagrammed a 5 cent coin in 20 different ways,  switched 8 coffee places, because they didn't have spender in a green packet, and he watched you squeeze a pimple at a dinner table - perhaps, you should consider marrying him. (And, no, that is not how I got married)


In conclusion, I forbid you saying: "I just don't like you" and "You are not my type" to a guy at any point. You will lead on more. Guys just will be more challenged and will try to prove you wrong. Therefore, do practice any technique to be a power repeller.




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